Bernadette Lafont (1979) – Nous Maigrirons Ensemble | Film complet en français

Bernadette Lafont (1979) – Nous Maigrirons Ensemble | Film complet en français

– Clearly, the sidewalks
are the toilets of the capital. – Which foot?
– Left. – It will bring you luck.
– With you? – I’m not the only one in Paris.
– You’re almost there, The only one still making movies.
– Don’t despair. There’s no reason.
I’ve been given a fabulous horoscope. – Excuse me, sir.
– Excuse me? – I’m sorry, sir. – You should change astrologers. And finally, my scenario,
doesn’t it excite you that much? – Pétain’s last days,
that doesn’t interest me. – You know, it won’t be
a very expensive production, Because everything happens in jail.
There are only the inmates. And probably some visitors. – I understand, but from a business perspective, it’s not valid. 50% of French people still hate him. – That’s what makes it interesting. – But financially,
it takes away 50% of our customers. And who will play Pétain? He’s no longer here. I don’t see Belmondo or Delon accepting that. Do you have my package? – Yes, Mr. Bolkenstein. – Can I pay you tomorrow? – Of course, Mr. Bolkenstein. – And a stranger? – If you know someone
who packs my rooms, Perhaps we can see the question. If there were still women,
it could brighten things up. – There are some!
– Yes. But the one Pétain frequented
isn’t going to turn on the customers. 2 coffees! Or else. You rejuvenate him.
You take him from his early days. You change the script,
you put some pretty girls in it. And changing the title.
– Yes, something like that. “Pétain and Women”
– Yes. – Or better yet,
“The Erotic Adventures of the Marshal.” – Hey, that would be great. – Yes, but someone else
needs to write it. – Think about it!
– No, I’d rather write something else. – Too bad. You haven’t gained weight?
– Possibly. – You’re definitely bloated, burst into your suit. You’ve gained at least 10 kilos.
– It’s the jacket, It always gets a little bigger.
– Open it. But what is that? – Maybe I’m a little bloated.
– Not me, man! That’s brioche. You eat too much.
– No more than anyone else. – Yes, no, but look at me. 60 years old, not an inch of fat.
A real young man! – That’s right, you’re great! – Pay up! – Mr. Bolkenstein.
– At your age, you’re in trouble. You might get into trouble.
– Do you think so? – A little diabetes,
a little hypertension and It’s a heart attack.
Watch yourself, old man. – I only do that. – Well, well, I’m leaving you. – If I have an idea, I’ll call you. I will always find a time
to listen to you. – Goodbye, Mr. Bolkenstein.
– Goodbye. My big Lanier. – I’ll give you some big Lanier,
old fool. – Oh cows! But what are you doing here?
You’re sick, aren’t you? – And Gaston. Wait a second,
there’s a guy in there. – What are you doing here? – Until proven otherwise,
it’s my car. – How did you get in?
– If I remember correctly, through the door. – No, but you can’t stay here.
No, you have to go downstairs. You are not allowed
to stay in the car. – We must remove the seals.
– It’s against the rules. – Then I’ll stay.
– No, we’re not allowed. to remove a car
with someone inside. – What do I do?
– You’re going out. – How?
– It seems simple to me. You exit through the door window. – I’ve seen it all in my life,
you know? – No. – Swear words, bravo!
– I’m stuck. – When you’re fat,
you always have problems. – I’m not fat.
I’m a strong man. – Yes. Come on, make a little effort. Gaston, come give me a hand
getting the tough guy out. Let’s go!
Come on, suck in your stomach! – Come on, suck in your stomach?
– We’ll do what we can. – Breathe deeply and pull in your stomach. – Victor How are you? – There’s no need to complain.
– Madeleine, are you okay? – Are you okay? Shall we call?
– Yes, Charles. Okay, see you soon. – Come on! – One more little push.
That’s it, the pelvis is gone. – Does that make you laugh?
– Yes, it looks like childbirth. – Don’t make me laugh,
I’m losing my strength. – Well done!
We didn’t need to iron your shoes. – Is that allowed? Definitely! Shit ! This is not possible. Oh shit ! Oh no. How stupid I am. It’s broken. Yes, it’s rusty. It’s rotten! Everything is explained. It’s incredible. – Honey, honey. My darling!
“Warn me, you scared me!” – Good evening, my dear. – Yes, hello. – Well, tell me, you seem nervous and not friendly at all. Why? Didn’t things go well
with Bolkenstein? – No.
– He didn’t like your script? – Yes, he loved it. – Well, then? – He wants ass! He would have wanted me to throw Pétain
in a brothel! – I find it very funny, don’t I? – Yes, but since I don’t want to get into trouble with censorship, Nor with veterans. – So, you refused?
Well, you’re going to lose a lot of money. – There you go. You’re happy, aren’t you?
My bathrobe. I told you something else. I don’t give a damn about Pétain.
Bolkenstein, I don’t give a damn about him. And as for the money, I don’t give a damn. There are more important things. How do you find me? – As per usual. – Don’t cheat. Tell me the truth. – Did you cut your hair? – No. Look at me carefully now. You don’t see anything? – No. – Have I gained weight, yes or no? – Is that all? – In the two years you’ve been living with me,
have I gained weight or not? – Yes, indeed.
– By a lot? – A little.
– What does “a little” mean? – At a rough guess,
I’d say 10 or 15 kilos. – You never told me anything. – But Vic, I thought
you didn’t mind. For the past six months,
you haven’t been able to dress yourself. – That doesn’t surprise me.
French stores. They no longer dress that she is undermined. Can’t find anything
above 40. – The last jacket you bought was a size 58. – But it’s dramatic. I am monstrous. – You’re lucky,
you’re tall, you can handle it. – You call that luck? – But listen, how much do you weigh? – I don’t know. – There’s a scale here. – No, we don’t even know
where the scale is. We’ll see about that tomorrow. – But listen, darling,
don’t get discouraged. None of this is serious.
– It is serious. You see, a little bit of diabetes on top of that,
a little bit of hypertension and crack, It’s a heart attack. – You exaggerate everything. – No, it’s serious. Tomorrow I’m going to see the doctor. And I didn’t even see myself getting fat. – You know, Vic.
– Yes. – You are my own man. I love you just the way you are, you know? – It’s true ? – Yes. Honey.
– Yes? – Get dressed.
– I’m already dressed. Haven’t you noticed?
– But not like this. We’re going to Chantal’s house,
she’s celebrating her birthday. There will be plenty of people you love. – In a tuxedo?
– Yes, it’s a chic evening. – It’s been three years since I’ve worn this.
I’m never going to get into it. – But yes
– No. – I tell you yes! Go! – Corinne!
– Yes? – I won’t go. 109. I knew mine was out of whack. – Pardon ? – Nothing. – Get dressed again. – Is it serious, doctor? – 17.9 blood pressure,
at least 20 kilos overweight. – Excuse me.
– You’re welcome. – You are the typical obese Android. In your case,
there’s a lot of work to be done. If you want to avoid
cardiovascular complications. – What should I do? If you scrupulously follow
what I prescribe for you in 3 or 4 months, You will be a handsome young man again. -Still curious, doctor.
How do you get so fat? – It’s very simple, weight gain
almost always corresponds. Fat gain.
This accumulation of fat reserves. Comes mainly from food,
either in the form of fat, Either in the form of carbohydrates. Fat storage
is carried out in cells. Adipocytes that are extremely active. – Oh yeah?
– Very active. And equipped with efficient enzymatic equipment that also allows, When conditions are right,
the reverse reaction, That is, a hydrolysis
of triglycerides which constitute the bulk of
these reserve fats. Are you following me?
– Yes. Bless you.
– So, storage takes place
at the level of adipocytes, Distributed mainly
under the skin, Under the peritoneal cavity
and between the muscle bundles. The number of these adipocytes is limited
and varies from person to person. The regulatory processes of triglyceride synthesis and hydrolysis are dominated by metabolic factors
and it’s actually quantity. of carbohydrates ingested
which will depend on the orientation mechanisms
towards synthesis or hydrolysis through fairly complex hormonal phenomena involving cyclical MP,
among others. Do you understand? – Not everything. – Here, you’ll read this.
It’s my latest book. This will give you confidence.
And that’s it for a month of treatment. One appetite suppressant tablet.
Fifteen minutes before each meal. – What is Axorigene? – An appetite suppressant. 2 diuretic tablets per day. It’s for elimination,
urinating if you prefer. Plus, 3 capsules of my composition and the diet. Do this for a month
and everything will be fine. – Thank you. That’s very kind of you, Professor, for receiving me so quickly. – I love artists.
– How would I say it? – 500 francs. – So. – And the book 50 francs. – I don’t owe you anything
for the building charges, I hope. – Sir.
– I was joking. So. Now I don’t have a penny
to take my taxi. – Taxis are too expensive.
Just walk a bit. It’s better to do a little sport,
it will do you good. Good luck, dear sir. – Plus, he gave me his cold. I’m exhausted, I can’t take it anymore. – Come on, listen, we’ve only been running
for 10 minutes. – I haven’t jogged
since middle school. – My poor old man, you’re rusty. Damn, look at those,
they’re about your age. They are in great shape. – Run after them then!
Don’t be shy, just catch them. Leave the old fool here.
I’ll come to terms with it. – Victor, you make me sad. Do you want to go home?
– Yes. – Running?
– If you insist. But wait for me! – Are you coming?
– One second. Since I’ve been taking the medication
that the doctor gave me, I keep peeing. My love, wait for me. The appetite suppressant! – Lunch.
– Wonderful, thank you. So. – It’s for the two of us. – Really?
– Yes. – Can I keep this? Do you want me to serve you now? – It’s the opposite.
– How? That’s grotesque, frankly. – It’s the diet, 150 grams of grilled meat
or fish with a few salad leaves
or the equivalent of green vegetables. So. – Do you have the butter? The salt! – No, no way! No way! – Why? It’s hard. Finally, I’ll make up for it
with desserts. – 50 grams of low-fat cheese
or a yogurt. – Not both?
– No. – More and more cheerful. – Self-centered ! – No, you must not drink while eating. – Not even water?
– Nothing. – This is getting dramatic!
– Didn’t you read the diet sheet? – No, I didn’t have the courage.
I suspected it was a trap for fools. – Do you want your dessert?
– I can’t think of anything else. – Gruyère or yogurt? – Faced with the immensity of the choice,
I will take one yogurt. Thank you.
– I’m warning you, it’s sugar-free. – Yes, that doesn’t surprise me. Corinne, darling, am I allowed
to have a spoon? I should have chosen the cheese. – I’ll get the coffee, okay?
– Yes. – Strong or light coffee?
– Thin. – Are you choking? Oh no! – No?
– No! When are you going to the gym?
“The gym? Tomorrow.” – What’s wrong with you? – I’m hungry. – And sir, be careful,
it’s quick-setting cement. – That’s clever!
You could have pointed it out, right? – But there’s a sign.
But no one looks at it. What do I do then?
– If you want to leave, get out of your shoes. – And now ? – You take off your socks and
then you walk the plank. – Hello, miss,
This is for the free trial. – Good, sir. Your name?
– Lanier. – That’s right. Your locker room key? 327.
“Thank you.” Jean-Louis, accompany Mr. Lanier.
“Please?” Are you barefoot?
– Is that forbidden? No, but it’s surprising.
– I’m Mormon. And when Mormons enter
bodybuilding sanctuaries, They always come barefoot. – I don’t know.
– Me neither. – Buy him Slendertone. It’s a small electrical device
that massages muscles to give them the firmness
they lack. – And that’s not dangerous?
– Absolutely not, I’ve been using it for three months. Look at my belly.
And it’s firm, it’s rock! But touch it.
– I see it. – But touch it, it doesn’t bite.
– That’s exactly what it needs. – What if you saw my hips? – I imagine them. – I don’t know you’re bisexual. – No smoking here, sir.
– Sorry! Tremendous ! – We don’t smoke here, sir. Yes, I know, this gentleman
was extremely kind. – Don’t touch that
without my permission. – I’m sorry. Really. – You have a curious approach.
– Yes? -Anyway,
you’re not my type. – No?
– No, you’re too fat, darling. – Excuse me, sir. – Believe me Corinne, if your husband
wants to lose belly fat, Lastotherapy, there is nothing better. – Is it really effective?
– It’s sensational. It’s a lightweight latex belt
that you wear around your stomach. It massages, makes you sweat
and removes fat. – If he wears it every day, Corinne,
your man will have a wasp waist. – Come on gentlemen, let’s pedal, let’s pedal! Come on, come on! Come on, come on, gentlemen, let’s pedal! Come on, gentlemen, let’s pedal.
Let’s pedal, let’s pedal, let’s pedal. – He can really annoy me, that one,
with his “we pedal, we pedal.” – What do you want him to say?
It’s logical. – Excuse me. I’m not talking
to a blushing, sweating pachyderm. It makes my stomach ache. Yuck! – Hey, girl, the next time you say something to me, I’ll give you a beating. – I’m going to scratch him. Say, do you have
many of these here? – He’s the only one, but if he continues like this,
we’ll kick him out of the club. – Incredible.
– You mustn’t get upset, It’s not good for your metabolism. – Come on, let’s pedal! – Let’s pedal, gentlemen, let’s pedal! – Orlandi. Manuele Orlandi. My crooked old producer. – But what do you want? I want the 7 bricks you owe me
for 5 years. – I don’t remember.
– No? – Remember the balance of the film
I made for you. – Oh, yes, but it’s too late.
The statute of limitations has expired. – I doubt it. Now that I’ve found you,
I’m not leaving you anymore. – Love. Always love. – I want my money, I’ll get it.
Yes, I’d be surprised. – Come here. No, let’s be reasonable.
Come here. – Stop him! Stop him! – Gentlemen, a little restraint, gentlemen.
– Yes, let’s not lose our dignity. – I don’t care about your dignity. – I’ll sue you.
– I don’t care, I’m not solvent. – Gentlemen, please. Finally. – Yet you look thin.
– It’s okay, I’m not complaining. The down jackets aren’t bronze anymore,
but they’re holding up. No, my problem is my rear end.
– Really? – You think so. 10 hours a day
with my butt in my chest? They’re enjoying themselves.
They’re lying down, playing deck chairs. – And is that embarrassing?
– No, not for me. You know, Until now,
they have always followed me everywhere. No, it’s for my man.
– Does it upset him? – Yes, a little. You have to understand. He knew them.
They were all cute and round. And 10 years later, I see hot air balloons
as my Jeannot says, There’s fraudulent merchandise.
– You’re not doing anything? – To make them lose weight? I’ve tried everything, my good lady. Everything.
“Is it hopeless?” – No, because a month ago I found
something that seems to be working for me. It’s a soap with ivy extract.
So use it every morning, morning and evening. And let me rub you!
The traitor blushed. And so much so that sometimes,
I have trouble sitting down. – It must be hard to drive. – That’s awful, madam. At 60?
– Yes. – Well, here we are. That’s 20 francs exactly. 30, keep everything.
– Thank you. – No, you stay here. – I do what I want.
– I’ve never seen a crook like you. – I do what I want
and that’s it. – You’re leaving us already.
– Regretfully, believe me. – Don’t tell me women
intimidate you. – If in private,
from 10, it happens to me. – He’s charming. Tell me,
are you Victor Lanier, the filmmaker? – Yes. – Patricia Lancereau. Nice to meet you.
– I hope we’ll see each other again. – I’ve seen almost all of your films.
– Thank you! – Secret passion, admirable!
The behind-the-scenes story was very funny. But then,
I liked the bedside lamp less. – You’re right,
that one isn’t mine. – I like men like you. Tall, strong, virile, intelligent. – The world upside down. – An exceptional man must
meet exceptional women. – In other words, I know how
I’m going to end my evening. – Don’t get me wrong, a woman
can admire a man without putting him in his bed.
– Even if it’s in my bed? – Besides that, you’re naughty.
I like that. – Despite my physical disgraces? – I know the remedy
to make you lose weight. – Oh yeah?
– Yes. – Does it feel like the water being sprayed massages you? – Yes, it massages me. – This is the principle of thalassotherapy. – Excuse me, I have to go.
– Was I too direct with you? – No, that’s pretty cool.
But I’ll explain. – Will we see each other again?
– Inshallah. – Lanier, forget me.
You won’t see the money. And to annoy you,
I’ll take your clothes. Garbage! PS Your papers are in the bag.
He also has bad handwriting. I’m not a cow, Orlandi. – Can I help you?
– No. Has Mr. Orlandi left?
“Yes, sir, not five minutes ago.” – Give me his address.
Impossible They are not communicated,
the orders are formal. This guy is sick. – You’re right. He arrives barefoot,
he leaves fresh from the bath. He’s a nutcase. – Orlandi. What talent!
But only for escapes. – Are you free?
– Yes, but I don’t charge the tanks. – Pardon. Hello madam, do I look normal? – Don’t hurt me.
Let me out. – He’s exaggerating. – I don’t have a coin. 10 francs for 2 coins of 0.20 €. What do they want then? 100 francs for 2 small coins. – Careful, he’s dangerous. 200 francs for €0.40. – He scares me.
What do we do? – Let’s go. – The French really
don’t need money. Like in Las Vegas. This is great. – Hello? Is that you, darling?
– Yes, it’s me. And in a strange state. – Have you lost weight?
– I don’t know. But my clothes, yes.
– What? – I don’t have time to explain all this.
Take the car, quick! Come pick me up on the Vital sidewalk. – But you know very well
that the car is in the pound. – Shit, yeah, I forgot. – You know, to call a taxi at this hour, you might as well blow into a violin. – Blow into what?
– A violin. – A violin?
Why do you want to blow into a violin? – To call a taxi? I don’t understand any of this,
in any case, lie down, I’m coming. – How are you getting home?
– On foot! – Shall I take Victor away from you? – Patricia! – What are you waiting for? Come up. Yes. But how?
Like that? – If the damage is too severe, I would say I had an accident. – With a pachyderm. – Why not?
We live in such a circus. – You are exquisite. – Is that it?
– No, not yet. I have the door to fix first. – What’s wrong with you?
– I think I dislocated my shoulder. – What?
– I can’t move my arm anymore. – Get out!
– No! – Here we are, roll,
arm, we’ll see later. – Let’s go. – Does that bother you?
– No, no. – You see, I found you very quickly.
The stars are with me. – And the disaster next to you. – Don’t be pessimistic. – Do you hear?
– What? – That scrap metal noise. – It’s the shock absorbers
that take a hit. – It sounds like the bodywork scraping the ground. – It’s an old car.
– It can’t handle heavy loads. – A car makes a difference. I’m so happy
to have you with me. – Are you a masochist?
– No. Simply happy.
And that’s priceless. Where are we going? At your place or at mine? – At my place.
– Would you prefer? – I’m expected there.
– Married? – Almost. – Cohabitation? – If you want,
but I hate that word. – What street is it? – Avenue Hoche. – Is that why you want to lose weight? – For me a little, for her a lot. – Does she love you?
– Yes. – And you?
– Me too. – Never a little adventure? – No, so far,
I haven’t felt the need. – The opportunity never presented itself? – So today?
– It’s all new. – You don’t like novelty? – How lucky!
We even have a parking space. There you go, the door is difficult. So. My back is broken. Does that make you laugh? – No, you haven’t gotten dressed yet? – You hadn’t noticed?
– No, my mind was elsewhere. – Thank you, Patricia. Goodbye.
– Goodbye. To call me,
my name is in the phone book. – In the phone book, really? – My poor darling,
in what state have you come back to me? – Yes, if the cops had seen me,
I would have been at the station. – And who walked you home? – A very nice old gentleman, by the way. – Who could it be? – Miss.
– Hello. – Your husband left this in my car. – Thank you for coming.
– You’re welcome. – Goodbye, miss.
– Goodbye. – Who was that?
– The old man who saw you off? – Corinne. You’re not going to give me the cold shoulder now, are you? – Why did you lie to me? – To avoid you asking me questions
about a woman I barely know. It worked, didn’t it?
– Did you meet him at the club? – Yes, and she was kind enough
to bring me back to you. – You won’t see her again because
you won’t go back there. – Why?
– Surprised. Come with me. Now don’t cheat.
Close your eyes tightly. Follow me.
Go this way. There you go. Don’t move, don’t move. Look over there. Everything you need to lose weight at home. This is a balaclava. It’s to lose your cheeks
and double chin. – Do I have that many?
– It’s starting. This is the dynamite computer bike. This is the vibro belt. This is to massage your thighs,
hips, stomach. – We’ll throw away some razor blades.
We could make some shavings. – So, happy? – You gave me something to amuse myself with.
You really spoiled me. – But you know that,
that’s just the main thing. There are many more things.
– I’m sure of it. How much did all this cost you? – I don’t know, I didn’t count.
Well, at a guess, I’d say that would still be
12,000 or 15,000 francs. – Fantastic.
– What? – I would never have thought
that to lose weight, We need to start fattening up
doctors and industrialists. I’m not laughing! The hardest thing at my age is
getting slapped in the face. – But I don’t understand. – I’ll draw you a picture. – But say! You seem in a bad mood, don’t you? – Yes. This is giving me the blues.
I’m feeling down. I apologize, but I am very tired. I’ve had a pretty rough day.
That’s my right, right? – Absolutely. It’s your right. Well, while you sulk,
I’m going to get ready. – Are you going out?
– Yes. I’m going to the theater with Chantal. She’ll be picking me up any second. Are you coming with us? – No, I don’t want
to break a chair. Good evening. – He’s really depressed.
It’s going to be fun again. – Yes, I’m coming.
Is that you, Chantal? Come in, my darling. – Aren’t you ready?
– Yes, I’m putting on a dress. – We’re going to be late.
– I’ll be a second. – Victor isn’t coming?
– He’s sulking. Here, go kiss him.
That might cheer him up a bit. – Victor. – Good evening. Wow.
– What’s going on? – I don’t know.
I said goodnight to her, and she fell. I didn’t know I was a womanizer. What do I think? To tell the truth, Mr. Bolkenstein,
I’m afraid you’re taking me for a ride. – What do you say you accept? – No, I’m willing to follow your advice
on many things. But Mr. Bolkenstein, I personally find that Pétain
in the convent is really, It’s really impossible. Hello ? Oh, is that you?
– It’s me. – Again.
– Have you thought about my proposal? Pétain among the religious, that doesn’t excite you
but we can do better. Erotic films work.
We can make art. while making money.
Another idea: “The president among the naturists.”
– Not bad, not bad. It would be a scandal, it would be fantastic.
Are you listening to me? – Of course I listen. You haven’t convinced me.
I’m not interested. There are specialists for this type of film, contact them. – Do we remember?
– Yes. Curious. When they reach a certain age,
they all become obsessed. Worries, anxieties,
strong emotions, Daily aggression of all kinds
are harmful factors which can cause sudden weight gain in the individual. That’s interesting. There’s no point in contradicting me. Bolkenstein. He’s hanging on, that one. Come in!
The key is in the door. Are you there? I’m in the bedroom, a few meters to your right. You will see. We thought about Bolkenstein,
we’re keeping the script as before And we come to apologize.
Well done, I congratulate you. – I’m sorry, sir, but…
– Who are you, sir? – The envoy of Maître Karlouches,
bailiff near the Paris High Court. I have a requirement
concerning you to recover, If you’d be so kind as to sign it for me.
“Impossible, I’m programmed.” – Then I’ll come to you.
It’s from the Ministry of Finance. – I’ve never written
or directed for these people. – You are being asked to pay the sum of
112,632 francs with the NDRC. Late payment surcharges included. This is a tax reminder from the years 74, 75, 76, and 77. – It’s already paid for.
– Surely not. – These people are crazy!
– No. You have already received two notifications
of constraints in April 76, which you didn’t follow up on.
– Oh, I never received that. – Yes.
– No, if I say no, then. In any case, I’m telling you one thing, sir, it’s not possible. Because at that time, I was
shooting a comedy film. elastic suspenders. – Yes, I saw it.
– Did you like it? – Not at all.
– It doesn’t surprise me. You see, sir, the comic spirit
appeals to the healthy spirit, fast and superior. – What are you implying?
Your wife must not be laughing. – I don’t have any.
– But I won’t keep you, sir. Run and get one!
There are agencies for that. You’ll probably find
an idiot there who suits you. – Please, sir.
– Get out! – But, sir.
– I said outside! And sir, many things to the tax collector. – Sir, I beg your pardon, but are you paying? – But you are extraordinary.
You wake up one beautiful morning And you think I can throw 11 bricks at you like that? No. Would you like to open the window, please? – Are you paying? – I’m an artist, sir, you see.
I’m not a banker. – Are you paying, sir? – He’s going to make me fat!
Wow, he’s going to make me fat! – Are you paying? – You pay, you pay, you pay. Yes, I pay.
I pay all the time. That’s all I do for a living.
I pay, I pay. I pay my taxes despite everything. Even if you pretend otherwise. I pay my family allowances, local taxes, apartment rent, insurance and charges,
fire extinguisher maintenance. I pay for the maintenance of the risers and the sanitation of the garbage chute, maintenance of the closures
of all doors. I pay for all of this! Heating
and heating maintenance, hot water, cold water, gas, electricity, telephone, television and the elevator. Let’s not forget the elevator
and elevator maintenance, even when it’s broken,
which happens all the time. I forget my car,
the maintenance of this car, the insurance for this car,
the oil for this car, the gas for this car,
the vignette, the motorway toll, fines,
parking meters, clogs, the pound, the shame, the shame. And then sir, how kind I am. Well, almost, I give. I give to the poor,
you know the blind man, to sick dogs,
to veterans, to veterans who are not combatants.
Cancer. All this, I give, I give,
I never stop giving. Sir, What do we do
with all this money I give? – Are you paying or not? – No, I don’t have 11 bricks
to give you like that. – Then I’ll come back with the police commissioner and we’ll make a seizure. – 11 million.
But that’s impossible, my dear. In 3 days, I have to pay the rent, URSSAF, and turnover. and also the pay of employees etc. – Yes, I’m fine. Got it. – Above all, don’t get upset, my darling,
it could raise your blood pressure. – It’s too late for the film.
You refused me. Less than an hour ago, I just signed
with one of your colleagues. – Too bad. Don’t smoke so much, you’ll make yourself sick. Come on, give it to me! – You’re right! I apologize! How awful! – No, it’s nothing.
I’ve seen others. – Goodbye, Mr. Bolkenstein.
Excuse me. – Lanier.
– Yes? – Feeling the burn there on my hand.
I just had an idea. – Yes ? – What if you made us a remake of Joan of Arc? But a sensual Joan of Arc.
Sexually liberated and open to all erotic proposals. You’re changing the ending
because everyone knows it. You make her perish in the arms
of a hundred soldiers. – No.
– Fabulous, isn’t it? – If you like it,
we’ll sign right away. – Mr. Bolkenstein. I’m afraid that
your knowledge of history are much more in-depth
than mine. There’s something else, Mr. Bolkenstein. If I see on the screen
in your Joan of Arc, no trace,
no idea of my Pétain, I’ll sue you. – Old fool. – Joan of Arc! I’m fed up. Fed up. I’m hungry. No, let’s be reasonable.
Give me an artichoke heart, followed by a grilled steak, without salt, without butter, dry. – Desserts? – A yogurt. – No drink?
– Water. – Thank you, sir. – Head waiter!
– Sir. – And then shit! – Excuse me?
– No, the shit was for me. I changed my mind. Bring me the Bismarck ramp, At your place, is it with cream?
– Yes. – So, lots of cream.
– Good, sir. – And a royal sauerkraut And a vacherin.
– Bravo! – We’re on earth to live well.
– I’ve always thought so, but for some time now,
I no longer believe it. – And as a drink.
– Beer. But let it flow,
let it rain. – All right, sir.
And bring it all to me at once. Yes, you can’t understand.
I have my reasons. – Fine, sir.
– Maitre d’, quickly. – Good, sir.
– Very quickly. – Very well, sir. – Pascal, are you coming with me for some fresh air?
– With you, boss, to the ends of the earth. – For me, the end of the world is
the sidewalk across the street. – Hi girls!
– Hi girls! – Is that what you wanted?
Perfect. Thank you, miss. – Head waiter.
– Sir? – The bill.
– Fine, sir. – A little alcohol, sir.
– No, that wouldn’t be reasonable. – Perfect. There you go, sir. – Good. It’s perfect like this.
– Thank you. Thank you very much. Goodbye, sir.
– Goodbye. – Go back to the living room, I’ll be right there.
– Okay. – So, this is how
you do your diet? – I couldn’t take it anymore, I cracked.
– Say it more like you lack willpower. – As for moral lessons, you know,
I’m too old for that. – But you didn’t eat.
In fact, you stuffed yourself. All those cakes, that cream, that chocolate.
All that adds up to a lot of weight. – I’m in trouble, so I have to compensate. – So, work. Write.
– Yes, that’s easy to say. – I was told about a doctor
who practices a particular type of medicine. It’s called bioenergy. She doesn’t give medication.
– What’s her name? Genevieve Minkiewicz? What is she going to tell me next? – Your plumpness is artificial, dear sir. He is essentially a psychologist,
and I repeat, a psychologist, that is, mental. Unleash your fantasies
and everything will be fine. – I couldn’t ask for anything better. – Take off your clothes! – Or ? – Here. Why am I bothering you? – No.
– Yes, I see. Maternal complex. Turn this off. – What do I keep? – Nothing. If you like.
Or underwear and a t-shirt if you prefer. – What? Are you undressing too? – Shoes,
to be more comfortable. Why, would you like to see me naked? – Why not ? – You won’t have that joy.
My medicine is unconventional. That’s true, but I’m not a stripper either. – Am I hurting you?
– But it’s necessary. – Block.
Stand up straight and face me. – No, but now,
you’ve really hurt me. – I see what it is.
Your energy isn’t flowing. This explains this excess weight. We’re going to unlock all this.
Stand on your tiptoes, and bend your legs. Even more, like me. – Tiring.
– Yes, so much the better. Now blow.
Blow hard. Louder, almost a scream. Louder. Alright. Now bark. – Excuse me?
– I said bark like a dog. Do you know what a dog is?
– Fortunately. – We’re not arguing, Woo Woo.
– No, is that necessary? – Indispensable. Come on! – Louder! Louder! – Is that better?
– Perfect. Now take a deep breath. No. Perfect. Do you and your partner sometimes argue? – Rarely.
– That’s a shame. Pretend I’m your friend
and yell at me. – What do you want me to tell you? – I don’t know what’s going through your mind, bitch, female dog, etc. – Do I really have to do this?
– But yes, come on, it’s therapy. Come on, let’s go! We’re not arguing. – Bitch, female dog.
– No, not like that. Yell it, scream it. – Bitch, female dog! The bitch! The bitch of a female dog! The bitch female dog! The bitch! How are you ? – Excellent. Okay, now lie down. But not here, here. – On your back, on your stomach? – But as you wish. – Do I have a choice? – Come on. – No! No! Can’t you hear
that cracking? – Luckily it cracks, it’s normal. Turn around. Come on, turn around. – Attention ! – Lean on your forearms like this.
– Yes. – On your forearms.
– Yes. – Look me in the eyes.
– Like this? – Yes, that’s it.
Any problems in your childhood? – No.
– In your teenage years? – No, not either.
– How old were you when you made love? – Is that any of your business?
– Yes. – I don’t know, I don’t remember anymore.
– 14, 15, 16 years old? – Yes, something like that.
– With whom? – Do you want the address?
– We’re not joking. I mean, professional or neighborhood? – She was the baker’s daughter
who lived next door to my parents. – When you have sex with your wife, do you often think about the baker? – No, very rarely.
– Think carefully! – Perhaps furtively. – Often ? – Let’s say 2 times. 2 times. – And what do you do after sex? – I think we should invite you home.
– We’re not joking. – That’s a shame.
– What are you doing next? Do you smoke?
– No, never. It stinks up the room. – Are you eating?
– Yes. Now that I think about it. Yes, I do eat.
– What? – What I find.
– With bread? – Yes. – I was sure of it. With you,
it didn’t take too long! I’ve found. I found it.
– Shall I stay here? Get up, get dressed. – What did you find? – That Freud, once again, was right.
Everything is sexual. It always comes back to sex. – So my plumpness is sexual. – Yes, sir, and I’ll explain.
The first time, After practicing the little baker’s game,
did you eat? – I don’t know. Really, I think,
my thoughts were elsewhere. – You ate bread, buns! You ate!
– Is that possible? Yes. – That’s for sure! That’s the day,
the habit was taken. The habit has taken root in you.
And then, eventually, with all the women you ate. From woman to woman,
you have gained weight. – It’s bright. So no prescriptions,
no medication. Just a little self-check. – And like that I’ll lose weight? – Provided you also reduce
the caloric content of your meals. For that, I recommend you
go to Weight Watchers where your weight is controlled
in a rather original way. My fee is 400 francs. – Did you say 400?
– 400 francs. – I’ll come with you.
– Thank you. You know, it still hurts a lot here. – It’s normal, you’re still stuck. But
don’t think about it, the pain will go away. Between you and me, what do you think
of my work? – Well, either you’re a genius,
or you’re seriously sick. And in both cases,
I can’t do anything for you. My compliments, madam.
Before I forget. – What’s wrong with you?
– Just a checkup. You too are stuck. Good luck, ladies. – Next. – For our new members,
we talk about our programs. There are 3 of them. The first is the basic program. It consists of dietary re-education which should allow us to smoothly reach
the ideal weight. In short, we eat too much,
we need to cut down. The second program
is the so-called plateau program, delicate phase that should help
to triumph of the last 5 kilos to lose. It’s in all treatments the most painful case. Sir, please. – I apologize. – We come to the maintenance program. The ideal weight is reached. We must learn
to preserve it all our lives. Thanks to a pleasant diet. Sir, please. The goal is therefore achieved. We can eat anything. And we will discover
that with 15 kilos less, Life is something
worth living. One of the group’s slogans is:
At Weight Watchers, we learn to die young. But as late as possible. Okay, now let’s move on
to this week’s worksheets. First of all, Gilbert.
Gilbert, where are you? – There, madam.
– Look at her carefully. This young woman began
her basic program, Say It. – One week.
– One week, and she has already lost 990 grams. – That’s worth a cheer, right?
Come on, let’s clap. So here’s the score Gilbert should achieve. In 4 weeks,
she will have lost about 4 kilos, multiplied by 3 months, equals 12 kilos. Which means that in less than 3 months,
Gilberte will be able to, will be able to, will be able to. Mr. Marcel. – She could marry me because
I already find her very cute. – No, don’t dream too much. No, she will be able to eat normally because her weight will be stabilized. Well done ! So, I set aside a small group of cards there, which don’t really give me satisfaction. It’s not good, it’s not bad,
but it’s not progressing quickly. So, I’m taking you back there,
especially Christmas. You have been here for 2 weeks. What did you lose? 500 grams? What’s going on? Do you eat outside of what is agreed upon? – Patricia – Here’s an interesting file.
It’s Simone’s case. – No, excuse me, I’m late,
but there was a traffic jam. – Okay, Simone, who keeps gaining weight between Weight Watchers. The first week, she lost 1.5 kilos. The second week, another 1.5 kilos. – What are you doing here?
– Same as you. – But you’re not fat. – Simone knows very well
that there’s nothing to say. – I don’t see where. Foresighted.
– Always. – I’m glad to see you again.
– Me too. – I’ve often thought of you.
– But you haven’t called me. – I only remembered
the essentials, Patricia, I forgot the rest. – And I didn’t want to
disturb your romance. – You should have.
– Why? Don’t you like the hairstyle anymore? – I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. Let’s just say she confuses reproaches
with encouragement. – Are you listening to me? Come on, Jacqueline.
In 3 weeks, you’ve lost 2 kilos. and you don’t progress anymore. – I’m on a diet though. But the hardest part is between 4 and 5 in the afternoon. I’m hungry.
I eat chocolate and cookies. – This is exactly
what you all need to avoid. – I won’t do it again. – So, let’s encourage Jacqueline’s future efforts. – Let’s talk about you instead. – Since the last time I met you, my life has changed. – Oh yes ? – I fell in love. – Is that true?
– Yes. – What’s he like?
– Rather. – No, let me guess.
I see him as blond, tall, athletic. – That’s not quite it.
He’s in his forties, well into his forties, a little strong, but so delicious. – That’s funny, I saw you
with a handsome boy. – Women are strange.
– Yes. – Do you live together?
– Not yet. – What’s stopping you?
– Circumstances. I didn’t see him again for two months.
– That’s absurd. – As you say. I looked everywhere for him. I called every beauty salon in Paris and finally found him. Here. – Here, in this establishment?
– Yes. – Where?
– Not far. – Don’t tell me any more.
I’ll try to find him. – There is a gentleman among us
who should be ashamed. Stand up, Mr. Manuel. Oh no! You didn’t do this to me? You’re not in love
with this person? – Upside down.
– Thank you. – Here, we lose weight, not gain weight.
Explain yourself. – Yet, I was careful.
I left out the cheese. Yes, in my line of work,
it’s very difficult to refuse meals. – In other words, you eat as before? – Are those the seven bricks you were eating?
– But shut up! No, but starting tomorrow,
I’ll start the first program again. – I’m counting on it.
– Swindler. You’re not leaving here
until we’ve settled our accounts. – But who’s talking?
– But it’s him! It’s him. – Do you have anything to say about Manuel? – Interesting. Yes, he’s a rogue.
He’s a scoundrel. – Yes, it’s a disgrace to your establishment! – But you’ll shut up. Do you know what defamation is?
There are witnesses, it’s going to cost you. – Come on, gentlemen, come on!
Who are you? – A new one, madam.
– Go sit down. We’ll resolve your case at the end of the meeting.
You too, Manuel. – Thank you, sir.
– Come on, it’s your fault. – And we don’t smoke.
– We don’t smoke. – Well, the incident is closed. So now, if you would,
please, please. If you don’t mind,
we’ll move on to the next sheet. It’s Camille.
“So, you’re jealous?” – Jealous? Not at all.
– Let me explain. – No, I understand. – Fire! There’s a fire! – Don’t panic, please.
Don’t panic, take your seats! – But not me.
– You’re burning, idiot! Your jacket is showing.
“No, come on! Stop it!” – We don’t smoke, sir. – But stop right now. No, but stop! Are you crazy or what? This filth that won’t start. – But compliments and have a good trip! – We’ll meet again, you bastard!
– Whenever you want, my beauty! He’s gone.
“To the dry cleaner, no doubt.” You take advantage of this to abandon me. – On the contrary. The proof. – Are you coming to pick me up? – You received gifts, I see. – It’s for you. To help you lose weight.
– Here we go again. – You know. The headmistress is furious. – I’ll send him an apology letter
and a check for the fire extinguisher. – Okay, now are you coming?
– Where? – Well, let’s go. – There’s just one thing
I’d like to know. – Yes?
– Why Orlandi? – I don’t know him. – Orlandi.
– Yes. – He wasn’t the man who…
– No. – But where is the other one then? – In front of me.
Asking me stupid questions. – Me? No. Is it me you fell in love with?
– Yes. – I was stupid. I was grotesque. – You were a man, that’s all.
– Yes, all right, but still. – Whether you like it or not.
From now on, I’m never leaving you. Come. – Wait. You are young. I’m not anymore
and I think in nature. – You’re wondering why
I’m going to hang on to your life, right? – Yes.
– Don’t worry, I’m not a cowgirl. and I didn’t escape
from a psychiatric hospital. – Which would be difficult for both of us.
– Absolutely. All the men I’ve met.
– Many? – A few. They had the qualities
and the faults of their youth that made me run away. I yearn for tenderness,
gentleness, love. – And you think that at my age
I can offer you all that? – Yes, Victor, yes.
One day, you turned 20 and you kept it. – If you assume
that all men are children, you pick me up in short pants. But where’s the little red one?
– In the garage. – Really? Yes, because a jaguar is horribly expensive. – When my father died,
he left me a beautiful house in the countryside and a comfortable bank account. Do you mind getting in the orphan’s car? – Where are we going? At my place, or at yours? – At my place. You’ll see, you’ll be fine. And then I’ll help you lose weight. – We lose weight together. – Okay.
– Okay. – Foresighted.
– Always. – I prefer the little red one. – Problems? – Yes, rather yes. – Corinne?
– Yes. – You can still change your mind. – You.
That is to say, you underestimate yourself. This is the first time in my life that I have found myself in such a situation. – I’m asking you.
It’ll hurt her. – Yes, of course. I’m afraid of causing pain. Also to myself, curiously,
because I left all my work supplies there,
my clothes. – But I have everything at home,
I bought everything while waiting for you. – In 58?
– Yes. – But you women,
you are evil. – When it’s worth it, yes. – Stop. – Are you leaving? – I should at least call him.
– Hey! – No, that would not be appropriate. – Hello. Yes? Don’t leave.
Corinne! – Hello ? – What are you doing?
– We’ll erase everything and start over. – Well, I liked that hairstyle.
– Not me. We mustn’t get bogged down
in habits. But I’ll find him again, you know.
I’ll find him again. – Who?
– It’s none of your business. – You know, I want you. – There, now? – Yes, but since then. Since the hot tub,
nothing has changed. – But what if someone saw us?
– Who? – I don’t know. – There’s no one there.
Wonderful smell of grass. Good job Dad for leaving that. – What’s wrong with you?
– I don’t know. – You hurt yourself.
Wait, I’ll help you. – I don’t know what I did,
I hurt myself. – Wait. – Let me free my leg. You wanted an opportunity, here it is. – And now, the food. – The dream!
– We are. – Yesterday was Friday.
– So it’s Saturday. – Bravo.
– Omelette. – Omelet with something?
– No, simple. – 2 eggs.
– 2 eggs, one each? – No.
– No? – 2 each.
– It’s Byzantium. What a marvel! 2 each. There you go, there you go. – Well, that’s clever.
Are there others? – There is one left. But yes, there’s the stroke of luck.
There you go. – So, you have to weigh them 50 or 60 grams. – With or without the shell? – Without. – We’ll see what happens. I’m not very good at this. It’s 55. Well, we’re within the norm.
4 like that? What should I do?
– I can do it. – Yes, well, you can’t do everything.
You’ve already run. We rolled around in the grass a bit. It was delicious.
My back hurts terribly, but it’s all gone now
because I’m cooking. We’re going to sink the little boat.
Look at that! 185 is too much! What do we do with the 50?
– Okay, let’s leave them. – Oh no. We can’t cheat now.
If we start cheating, It never ends.
That’s it. Said tonight in bed. Will you do the same thing to me
that you did yesterday? – Yes, my dear. – Honey.
– Yes? – Go ahead! – To start,
crayfish tail gratin. Then the host in foil with fennel. – That’s pretty original, yes. And cheese?
– Of course. With a prune flan. – Will I be allowed
a second helping of that? – Yes, my darling.
– It’s so good! – I’ll read you the gratin recipe.
– Yes. – Are you ready?
– Yes. – Reduction of macerated truffles
in a cream Enhanced with a hint of Armagnac.
– Armagnac. I knew it. – While we have browned
the shellfish flesh in a pike broth.
– No. – Studded with fresh morels.
– Fresh morels. – Cold quail, George Sand.
– Yes, why not. – Gutted, such beautiful quails,
and truss them as a starter. That is to say, cut the sides of the birds,
and insert into this incision the joint of the dough
folded over the pestle. – Patricia?
– Yes? – I’ll imagine the dessert myself. We no longer need Monsieur Bocuse.

Les mésaventures d’un homme obèse qui tente de perdre du poids.

Réalisation : Michel Vocoret
Scénario : Michel Vocoret
Avec : Peter Ustinov, Bernadette Lafont, Catherine Alric
1979
Comédie

Film complet en français, sous-titres disponibles